The Internet Is an Angry, Optimistic Place, Week #9 - VICE
Welcome to RATED AND SLATED, the column that’s terminally online so you don’t have to be.
Johnny Depp made a surprise appearance in-character as Ebenezer Scrooge in NYC. pic.twitter.com/DZR6mhIfK6
Can we be entirely sure that Johnny Depp is actually in character here and not in fact being visited by the ghosts of his past (Amber Heard), present (his ruined career), and future (an assisted-living facility where staff spoon meals directly into his once beautiful face)?
Hearing that "World of David Walliams" existed is like hearing about how hyenas give birth or about the man who died in the Nutty Putty Cave. Your whole impression of the world is darker for the information.https://t.co/jnLwlTHBJb
Do spare a thought for the poor VICE journalist who was on their way to Alton Towers just as it was announced that The World of David Walliams would be closing. They got as far as the service station at Newport Pagnell when the acid kicked in. Everyone started looking like a character out of Little Britain, and in the toilets, the face of Matt Lucas stared back from the mirror. Better get a Burger King, it’s going to be a lengthy detour.
Seth Rogen has all the hallmarks of a man who’s going to leave his wife after 20+ years, impregnate someone who was born after their wedding day, and tell you fatherhood has changed his life, given him a new zest and he’s never felt a love like it etc etc etc https://t.co/jsQ5rgtWYZ
If a life without children seems like one of woeful self-indulgence and hedonism then think again. I’ve found a healthy outlet for the energy that would otherwise go into making a family—constructing a scale replica of the giant mecha out of Gundam Wing. While my friends busy themselves with school runs and soccer practice, I’m building a fully sustainable armored mobile suit in an abandoned warehouse just off skid row. This wholesome hobby is also environmentally-friendly as I’m only using recycled material: all these used syringes, glass pipes, ziplock bags, and sheets of aluminium foil, which I’d just be throwing away otherwise. Only problem is, I don’t know who to leave my XXXG-01W Wing Gundam to when I die, which is a pressing concern right now as my heart beat is a little off after that last speed ball.
Yes, I fear @JohnLewisRetail have missed the mark this year with their Christmas ad. It seems to be another attack on grandparents.It might however bring a great Rolling Stones song to #1 thanks to Sam Fender. https://t.co/VI2twjAl44
Sam Fender is a man of the people and understands that in the UK right now you can’t always get what you want—freedom of speech, an affordable pint, face-sitting porn—but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need from the nation’s premier department store: A new Dual Boiler Automatic Bean to Cup Coffee Machine, which, retailing at £2,249.95, you’d need Rolling Stones royalties to actually afford.
Andrew Garfield for GQ’s Men of the Year 2026 issue📸: Richard Burbridge pic.twitter.com/QmwJJ1wLBL
Overmono called, and they’re gonna need that dog back Andrew.
My Chemical Romance has revealed their plans for their first studio album since 2010. My Chemical Romance fans have waited this long. What’s another year (or two)? During their Hollywood Bowl show on Friday, Gerard Way told the crowd, “Next year, we want to go make a record, so… pic.twitter.com/N0MGZU2Fqu
To the fellas reading this: don’t buy red pants. You can’t pull it off. You’re not Big Ledge https://t.co/jXn1DLBEF1
Wrong. I am Big Ledge. I could easily rock these on the strip. You won’t be laughing when I’m riding in a limo with the baddie I pulled after winning big with this deck of marked cards. We’ll be drinking champagne until the casino gangsters strangle me to death with my own flares.
never deleting this app bc wdym your 97yo neighbor made a “dramatic exit” at his birthday party pic.twitter.com/zq6OERXIOH
Dying at a birthday party after devouring the aesthetic social media cake? That’s my weekend plans sorted.
