Karl Bushby walked the world for 28 years. His ex-wife did the parenting – so who’s the real hero here? - The Independent

Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Start your Independent Membership today.

After 28 years, Karl Bushby has come back home. The 57-year-old left back in 1998 to go on a walk, specifically, a 50,000km walk around the world, and has finally returned. He is being welcomed home as a hero after his exploits crossing the frozen Bering Strait, navigating through dense jungles and swimming across the Caspian Sea.

When he arrived at his mum’s in Hull, the Lord Mayor of Kingston upon Hull greeted him along with crowds who had come to see the returning hero. His local MP even read out a message of congratulations directly from prime minister Andy Burnham.

Bushby has joined a long line of male adventurers breaking records and completing personal fitness challenges – all while leaving the domestics to be sorted out by the people they leave behind. When Bushby set off aged 29, his son Adam was just eight years old. Bushby has spoken about how he had to reconcile himself to missing Adam’s childhood, as he planned to return when Adam was 20.

But his son is now 36 and was raised entirely by Bushby’s ex-wife Angela.

“There is a disconnect and distance with family that has to be overcome,” he told The Telegraph. “It’s an odd one. There’s guilt there. That cross gets heavier the more the years go by. But you wrap it up in that container that is the mission. It’s the job. The way I squared the circle with Adam was by thinking that by doing this maybe I’ll have more meaning in his life, more value doing what I’m doing.”

A parent making sacrifices for their job is nothing new – but Bushby’s walk wasn’t exactly a financial choice for the family. It was a personal project he decided to do for himself. He even created his own rules, such as not being able to return to the UK to visit his parents or son. The only time he saw them was when they were able to fly to meet him across the world.

It’s no wonder Bushby admits “it has been a purely selfish way to be”, spending the past 28 years thinking only about himself, his survival and his walk. Meanwhile, his ex-wife was at home doing the hard work of raising their child, along with all the domestic, mental and emotional labour that goes with it.

This is nothing new. Bushby himself pointed out that explorers like Ernest Shackleton and James Cook were “horrible husbands and fathers.” Back in 2005, presenter Beverley Turner told The Independent how angry she was that her then-husband James Cracknell, the Olympic rower, was going off to row across the Atlantic with his friend Ben Fogle, leaving her at home for six to eight weeks to take care of their then two-year-old son Croyde.

“It sharply put into focus the different roles of mothers and fathers,” she said. “The freedom men have – we kid ourselves that we’re equal... Not one person has questioned his reputation as a dad. If I’d said that I was going off like that, people would have said that I wasn’t a good mother. We have to make it clear that the role of men does not end at conception.”

While skipper Samantha Davies was the only woman to sail in the Vendée Globe round-the-world yacht race back in 2012, leaving her partner to take care of her 14-month-old son. “It’s really funny because everyone in the race is a father, but everyone just expects mums to stay at home to look after the kids,” she told The Guardian. “I did that when my partner had a transatlantic race in the spring. It was hard. And now it’s hard to leave my baby too.”

The double standards are clear. Men who leave their families on their personal quests are lauded as heroes, while wives are left at home to do all the invisible, unpaid labour. There’s a reason why there are so many MAMILS (middle-aged men in lycra) without the female equivalent – women would never assume they’d have the time to spend hours cycling every weekend.

Ben Fogle is now a BAFTA-nominated presenter, travelling the world on his adventures, while his wife Marina has had to take care of their two children while he’s away. “I’ve realised it can be hard for Marina when I return from a trip, because I want to have fun with the kids and entertain them, but she's the one who's had weeks making sure they do the right things and have a routine,” he admitted to the Irish News in 2019. Likewise, Bear Grylls has spoken about leaving his wife Shara to take care of their three young sons while going off for months at a time.

Today’s male explorers are more conscientious than their predecessors – I can’t imagine James Cook ever acknowledged the invisible labour his wife was doing back in the 18th century. They talk about their guilt – but all too many of them keep on adventuring.

It was refreshing when British skipper Alex Thomson decided not to compete in the 2024 Vendée Globe. After years of spending only three or four months of the year at home, he was ready to spend more time with his family. “Kate, my wife has talked more about our kids' sadness at not seeing enough of me,” he told Sail World. “And when I met her, she had her own personal goals, so did I, but she was the one who made things work at home while I pursued my goals. But now it is time to give her the opportunities she gave me.”

This is what we need more of – equal relationships where the domestic, mental and emotional load is shared so that women have their own chances to follow their dreams. Or at least let their adventuring husbands take over the everyday chores and child-rearing while they enjoy a well-deserved rest.

At The Independent, our mission is to deliver unbiased, fact-based journalism. Journalism that's free from political allegiances and the influences of shareholders and commercial interests.

But we need your help. Your support enables us to uncover crucial stories that would otherwise have gone untold, hold power to account, and amplify voices often unheard.

Whether $5 or $50, every contribution counts. It fuels our reporting, invests in investigations, and maintains our independence.

It’s a reminder that our trusted, fact-based, free-thinking journalism remains available to everyone thanks to the generosity of our readers. To show your support and help us tell more of the stories that matter, please make a donation today.

Not ready to donate? Choose 'Maybe later' to start reading.