Changing Tracks 2026: Mary - ABC News & Headlines – Australian Broadcasting Corporation

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This week's Changing Track is for Mary. 

It was an ordinary Monday in July last year, a beautiful sunny winter's day. The beach house renovation was going well and Steve, my beautiful husband of 42 years was in his element! We were in that sweet spot in life - 3 kids grown and gorgeous, doing their own terrific things. Us, settling beautifully into retirement- appreciating our autumn years… our harvest moon

Steve was planning a big day in the newly planted garden. A quick kiss and off I went. Arriving home some 3 hours later, I immediately knew something was amiss. Eventually we found him. He had climbed a ladder to snip branches from our neighbour's tree. Somehow, inexplicably, he had taken an extra step up the extension ladder. It folded, he flew through the air, landing on his back, with an immediate and fatal break to his neck.

He was in our neighbour's yard, lying under a canopy of greenery, his hat caught in the tree above. I was amazingly calm. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was gone. I did not weep; no histrionics, no wailing. I wish I had. Shock maybe, and worrying about everyone else. The need to put one foot in front of the other.

I tried to be strong. Despite wanting to, I really struggled to feel his presence. People kept saying to me…" You must feel him in the garden". "You must feel him in the house" but the truth was, I didn't really. I felt his absence. Was that the same?    

One of the hardest aspects for me to accept is that we had no goodbye. Not a week, an hour, or even a minute. And no chance for one of us to look after the other to the end. I always expected somehow, we would have that. I think missing that is my biggest sadness.

It helps so much to share stories of Steve. He was so well loved. It could be easy to be caught up in the trauma and shock of the way he died, but his 67 years of being really funny, truly loving, always curious, kind, creative, and infinitely wise is what we have focused on.

Fast forward to the 15-month mark. The one-year anniversary behind us, the emotion of an upcoming family wedding, and the kids all struggling in their own way. I felt the need to get away, to continue our plans somehow.

We had always enjoyed walking holidays. On the day he died, he texted me about a walk around the coast of Jersey Island. I texted back; "let's do it." So, I decided to do it solo.

With a full heart and many tears, I have just hiked the 5 long days of this spectacular island, a place he would have loved! I played our Favorite songs. I sang at the top of my voice, grateful there were few walkers at this time of year! It was tough going, physically and emotionally, but very satisfying! And boy, was I proud of myself at the end!!

What I have gained is a vague version of acceptance. I can carry joy and sorrow simultaneously. I can meet the new day with his love keeping me going, happy to cry and equally happy to smile.

One night, early in the trip, I sat and watched a spectacular full moon appear in the sky; a harvest moon. Traditionally a time of reflection, gratitude and transition. It felt like a sign

Music of all types was hugely important to Steve. Funny though, that the music from his teenage years was with him at the time of his death. When we checked the last playlist, he had played that day, it was one of his old faves, Neil Young.

We can't know which was the last song playing, but I like to think it might have been this one…..it speaks to me of the life we were so enjoying 15 months ago and reminds me to reflect with gratitude for the life and love we were so blessed to have.

Mary's Changing track is Harvest Moon, by Neil Young.

This weeks changing track is for Mary. (Damien Larkins: ABC Local)